Musings

Progression

Justin Williams — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 23:27:00 +0000

I wake up to a rhythmic 4 sets beep early in the morning
That lets me know that my day of watching time slip
Slowly away from me to the inaccessible wasteland of the past.
Each step of my morning ritual moves me towards my leaving,
Showering, to dressing, to brushing, finally to my car.
Though the sun hung low in the sky at the start of my trek,
It shone brightly high in the clouds at my destination.
The work routine slips quietly by without a difference,
Progress bars of program installation trudges on it’s march
From nothingness to finish without a complaint or a mind of it’s own
As I watch my watch absentmindedly until 7:30 ticked away until 3:30,
When my own personal brain deadening march will be over,
Only a bit older from the experience, not any bit wiser.
The trip home was the mirror opposite of the morning,
The once high sun is now gone to shine on someone else.
I lay next to you, and the metronomic beating of my heart
loses it’s rhythm, to beat irregularly and excitedly, and the once
Spirals downward into sweet blissful unpredictability.
The days are so predictable that they are mundane, no reason
To wake up, no reason to think past other than keeping safe
Other than you, who adds the right amount of exoticism to life.

Little Things

Justin Williams — Sun, 17 May 2009 23:18:50 +0000

Sure life is full of big events
Ranging from marriage to death,
Even birth makes an appearance.
These occasions only happen but once
in a lifetime to experience.
So what does one do in the meantime?
The only thing one can do,
You enjoy the simple things you can.
The kiss of a woman you pledged you love to
and the gentle interlocking of fingers
As you stroll down the familiar street
Where your house is located at where you live
forever waking up next to her,
Smiling at the way she is curled next to you,
Innocent eyes closed against life,
Opening up to look at you looking at her,
Smiling.

Reset

Justin Williams — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 21:47:09 +0000

Every night before going to bed,
I hit the reset button.
It’s a innocuous little grey button
right next to my lamp.

Sure I don’t have any friends,
but no heartache either.
Every day winds up a new beginning,
always a new experience.

My cares are wiped out with a simple push,
pain is flitted away.
The only thing I can rely on is myself
No one will drag me down.

Every day I seem cooler, more confident
To everyone I meet.
They don’t remember who I am, who I was.
Chains of the past are gone.

I’m free to be who I am, what I want to be
As long as I have the button.
One tiny mistake gone without slightest evidence
that it was of my doing.

Yesterday I met my love, married her that day.
I’ll love her forever.
Vowed never to hit the button again, but habits die hard,
So I am still alone.

Rational Mind

Justin Williams — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 22:35:51 +0000

I have eyes to see your beauty,
Ears to hear the sweet words whispered,
Fingers to feel and touch your warmth,
A heart to know the depths of love,
And a soul that yearns for its mate
Alas, a brain that calculates
The distance between you and me,
Amongst other reasons we are bad,
Trumping bliss with absolute sorrow,
Proving that a rational mind
Has no place in matters of the heart.
I tip back another drink to cloud
My thoughts so that I may love you
For just a little bit longer.

On a personal note

Justin Williams — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 01:53:12 +0000

Last week, the world lost a great man. No, you wouldn’t have heard his obituary on the news or read it in the headlines, he was a man not unlike you’d find in your own life that brightened your life and brings a smile to your face every time you think about him and was more important than anyone you would find in Hollywood or in the Senate/White House. He was my Grandfather.

He was a man who led by example, not by words. If anyone had a problem, he would pitch in and help out, no questions asked. He answered the call of duty when world war II broke out in the US Navy because he loved his country and his countrymen. Stationed at Pearl Harbor, although he described his service as a vacation rather than a hardship (Hey, it was Hawaii after all). He married the love of his life in1948 and raised 6 rambunctious children who went about and had equally rambunctious kids of their own. To continue his service to community, he served as a town justice for the small town we lived in. Even after doling out justice, anyone who went up to him was glad that he handled their case. Hard to believe this guy had a problem with being shy.

I will always remember how he would save the comics for me. Weeks and months would go by, but when I would show up, there wouldn’t be a single week missing. I’d walk in and hear him say “I saved the comics for you”. I never liked baseball, but some of the best memories I have are sitting in his living room watching a Mets game. He never emoted much, but when the Mets would bobble a play, you could see it in his face. The summer breeze, the smell of fresh cut grass wafting through an open window (and the occasional severe thunderstorm) and the Mets made for some wonderful childhood memories.

A story that I will always cherish is one that I learned Sunday from my Aunt. After I was born, my Grandfather said that my parents honored him. She was confused as to why he said that. It was because my parents gave me the same middle name that he had (Eli if you are wondering). I can only hope to really earn that honor with the time that I have remaining. If I could only be half the man he was, then I will have led a good life.

He was predeceased by my grandmother in 1998. His funeral was on 2/2, their 61st wedding anniversary. I hope the first time they saw each other was one for a romance novel. I know they loved each other very deeply (despite the arguments when they were around) and they are up there kissing each other like they deserve.

Most Grandkids barely get 20 years with their Grandparents, I was lucky to get almost 30. I will miss you very much Grandpa, you were a huge influence on me and sorry if I never mentioned it.

Resolutions

Justin Williams — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 14:53:55 +0000

Well, it’s that time of year again, when a man’s fancy turns towards the oncoming year and decides what he wants to accomplish. While 2008 had it’s ups (met a lot of great new people, finally gained 30 pounds, and did things beyond my comfort zone), it was mostly down (lost my license for most of the summer, had a woman pass away the day we were to meet, depression, etcetera). I for one am looking to put the past behind me and start anew.

I’m going to try something new this year to hopefully keep my resolutions, I am going to publish them to anyone who stops by and reads them. Prior years I told a few friends, and broke them in a few weeks. Last year I told no one, and managed to keep one of them (putting on weight). Maybe with a lot more people knowing what I want will keep me motivated Well, without further delay, here are my resolutions:

Have at least 1 poem published. I’ve been writing for a few years now and only have had two poems published. Maybe if I at least get one published, it will encourage me to keep at it and also finish the short stories that I have started so long ago.
Learn a song on the guitar. I’ve been practicing now for a year, but I still play horribly. I don’t think you’ll find my version of Mary Had a Little Lamb on a children’s CD any time soon…
I will not get into a car accident this year. OK, you can laugh at this one, but every other year since I have been driving, I have gotten into an accident. 2009 is when the next one is due.
Move. There is no debating this one, it will happen. Time to pick up stakes and mosey on to a new dwelling, one preferably closer to work. Doing so will clear up an extra hour a day for me. No more renting, I am tired of not being in control of the people in my house. Seriously, who let’s their four year old run around until 2 am? Ugh…
Travel Overseas. This one might not happen, depending on how much the previous resolution costs me. I’ve always wanted to go to Europe, now may be the time.

I have others, such as becoming fluent in another language, but this should keep me busy for a while. I will post updates as I either fulfill a resolution or break them. Anyone want to take bets as to whether or not I keep them? Two to One odds that I will break at least one

Not In Service

Justin Williams — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 22:16:24 +0000

I called your number today,
Yeah, I know you won’t answer,
But I needed to know why you did
Decide that as your last decision.
I want to scream at you for being selfish,
What, you don’t think that others matter?
One phone call might have changed your mind
And turned this final situation around,
But no, you were always the stubborn one
And all that matter was you.
You could have taken solace in others,
And yes, they can give it to you freely.
But it doesn’t matter, you won’t listen.
I called your number today,
Got “Sorry, this number is no longer in service”…
Unlike the hearts of those around who are still here.

Closure

Justin Williams — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 02:27:28 +0000

I’ve asked you many times when you leave
To close the door behind you,
But every time you would go off
For weeks, months, you would leave that door wide open
So that you could just waltz right back in
When you were done gallivanting around.
I would stand there staring at the open door,
Wondering (for way too long), why I couldn’t
get through to you,
When a friend suggested, why don’t I close that
Damn door myself?
So I reached for the knob and shut it myself,
That made all the difference.

Oh, by the way, don’t try your old key,
I had the locks changed.

Leftovers

Justin Williams — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 03:33:25 +0000

Sure we have all dealt with leftovers as some point
And having them more often than not can disappoint.
Some leftovers become bitter and tasteless
Over time, leaving us to remember the fondness
Of the sweet dinner during its first go around
That seem lost to us, buried forever in the ground.
Others become hard and stale, closing themselves
Off to the savory flavors that is their selves
Even the most persistent of teeth won’t penetrate
The thick skin that time and stewing could generate.
But in the right hands, those leftovers could be just
As tasty, the right spices, just the right heat, and trust
Will spring that plate back to life better than before
Leaving nothing but delectable pleasures to explore.

First Snow

Justin Williams — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 23:52:42 +0000

This time of year, when with the arrival of the first snow,
Reminds me of holding your hand all those years ago.
Your precious hands, just as delicate, melting into my hands
As we walked among the dandelions of the meadowlands.
Snowflakes twinkle and dance in the gentlest wintry breeze,
Like we twist and twirl through life, only our love to appease.
Nary a word we had to speak to one other, the silence
Spoke better than we ever could of our love decadence.
I looked at you, the snow blindness only let me see you
My one and only one love that will to me stay ever true.
The winter wonderland of the first snow dulls when compared
to the permanence of the love that we enjoyed and shared.